Today I thought a little bit about a question that I have been struggling with for the past few weeks. On the heels of what was yet another negative dating experience with a so-called Christian man, I wonder how different things would be if I were dating non-Christian men.
There are some obvious and common differences. First, non-Christian men do not value or hold a large place in their heart for the honor of God, some don't even believe in Him. Because of that, as a generalization, non-Christian men are prone to care less about the treasure of God-honoring sexuality and probably have a bunch of other habits and characters traits that do not align with scripture.
Still, having not become a protestant Christian until late in my teenage years, I have known many non-Christian guys. These were my best friends and have provided me with some of my best memories and experiences I have ever had with males. These were guys who respected and appreciated me for who I was even though I was considered a "goody-goody" because I believed, even before I was Christian, in abstinence and other things that would have been considered prudish. And these were smart, kind, fun, mature, balanced, and even respectful guys.
You have to trust me on this, most of the negative experiences I have had with men, have been with Christian men. Even from the days of high school, the arrogance, selfishness, disrespect aimed at me came from the Christian male perspective. How could it be that the girl who was the subject of many guys teenage crushes and who everyone loved to be around was not good enough for the Christian guys?
Now, between work and other secular social situations, I have no trouble finding guys of several ages and races and types who are interested me. The problem: they are all non-Christians. At church and all of the Christian events it seems to be that my height, my race, my personality, my hobbies, my preferences, my way of dressing and more are all a problem. Why isn't it a problem for the non-Christian guys?
People might say the thing that my mother loves to say anytime I bring up non-Christian guys. The idea is that the non-Christian guys are willing to accept anything because they just want to have sex. Then I think you could say that the opposite true: Christian men are not willing to accept anything because they are supposedly abstaining from sex (that is sexual intercourse because, if you ask, most of these men use other methods for fulfilling their sexual desires) and want to find the "right woman."
My thought is, why are Christian guys so picky? Are they truly the very best of the best as potential mates simply because they identify themselves as believers? What is better, a man who calls himself Christian and attends church but is arrogant, close-minded, selfish in the name of the Lord or a man who maybe does not know the Lord but lives unknowingly well according to the scriptures? How far should I be openminded when it comes to exploring the idea dating non-Christian men?
I am a Christian wife to a non christian man. He doesn't believe in God. Or so he says. But he goes to church with me, we are compatible and I couldn't ask for a better more supportive help partner. He is wonderful. If I had said or held out for a Christian, I would have missed out on a wonderful life with the man I love.
ReplyDeleteI saw your web page on Kaylucas's blog to ask if you were too personal. For the kind of blog you do, I think not. It's part of the post. Just be careful about your contact info. I like what I've read.
I can already hear folks out there saying, "but God says we are not supposed to be unequally yoked!!! This women is wrong, this blog is encouraging ungodly behavior." Please take a breath and let's talk through this.
ReplyDelete"Clarbojahn", first, thank you for your reply and for your honesty and willingness to support this dialogue. I think that you have hit on part of what I was trying to communicate in this post. You say your husband "doesn't believe in God. Or so he says." I feel like what you are expressing is that you are able to share and discuss faith with your husband even though he is not a "textbook" believer. He may not identify himself as believing in God but he is not hostile to the Truth either.
That is what I worry about with us modern day evangelical Christians. Are we the best judges of what constitutes a believer? Are we willing to excuse some things more than others?
There are men who claim to believe and have said the prayer and made the walk down the aisle but they are clearly not believers because, in a subversive way, Biblical truths don't permeate their lives. Yet many of us, maybe even I, might say that this is not the same thing as being unequally yoked; we make excuses for these men.
Examples: The guy with the racists jokes and comments who thinks that certain people are better than others and is unrepentant. The guy who votes down one party line without approaching politics through prayer and is unrepentant. The guy who watches sensuous movies or plays violent video games or listens to foul language music and is unrepentant. The guy who is financially selfish or spendthrift and is unrepentant, etc.
You have made a decision that you were comfortable with for your life with your mate. Others will make other decisions. The bottom line: we might have a larger influence on our relational status than we think. It is our relationship with God that will guide us through the decisions that we make ultimately.