Moments of Grief

Several years ago, I heard a great sermon on the subject of grief. At the time, I had thought that I had never really experienced grief because, praise God, I had never lost anyone really close to me. Yet, for some reason, I keep feeling like I could relate so deeply to the stages and feelings that come along with grief. It was that day that I learned that I actually had experienced grief, and I am still dealing with it today.

You see, grief, as my pastor explained, is not just about the deep pain that comes after the passing of a loved one, grief can also be experienced when we lose other things as well. The loss of a job, a home, a prized possession, or even the loss of hope can cause us grief. In this way, I have realized how much being a chronic single woman has caused me to experience the process of grief.

Although there seem to be varied views on the emotions associated with grief, many sources present grief as a process that contains, in some way or another, the following emotional states: anger, shock, denial, numbness, bargaining, shock, fear, panic, guilt, depression, and eventually acceptance, hope, and affirmation.

For me, my grief started when I finally had to come to terms with the reality that it is highly likely that a romantic relationship is not part of my future. Some would wonder how I could come to that conclusion so suddenly, but I truly believe that this is what God has wanted me to confront and accept. My life, my past, my circumstances, my age, my cultural background, my social environment, and the state of the Church, Christians, and today's society as a whole are all aspects of my life that are detrimental to the possibility of any long term romantic relationship.

So how do you live when you realize that all of the things that seem to be part of the life of every young woman are no longer are part of your life?

Here are some of the thoughts and emotions I have experienced in my grief
Sadness: "I am so sad that my parents will never get to experience seeing me marry and will not get to have the experience of being grandparents."

Shock: "How could it be that God has chosen this for my life?"

Embarrassment: "How will it be to go through life being known as the woman who never experienced being in a long-term relationship?"

Anger: "How could God let me go through such painful dating experiences?"

Unfair comparisons: "Why is it that I have experienced so much disappointment and this other person had it so easy finding someone?"

Hopelessness: "What is the purpose of my life? What am I called to do now?"

Fear: "How will I be able to take care of myself when I get older or if I get sick?" "What will happen to me when my parents die?"

Bargaining: "I am sure that if I change churches, move to another country, join a dating service, or have my friends set me up with someone that I can surely find someone to marry so I won't be alone."

Panic: "I have to get a better paying job or I will never be able to save enough money to support myself in the future."

Affirmation: "If God has chosen me to be single, then that is exactly where He wants me to be. He
will give me the strength to make it through."

Hope: "I have no idea the amazing things God has prepared for me future, even if they are not part of this life, but the next."

For this one, I have no advice. Instead, I wanted to give you a glimpse into my thought life maybe to support you in whatever emotions you face when you confront your singleness. That is not to say that every single woman is going to be alone or that you should be grieving the chance to be in a relationship. Maybe you just broke up with someone or maybe you have been alone for a while and therefore, I hope that my story can help you understand you are not alone in your emotions. Please know that at the end of all of this is the hope and promise of God's endless and matchless love.

"I've read the last page of the Bible.
It's all going to turn out all right." - Billy Graham

Sources on grief retrieved May 28, 2011 from:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kübler-Ross_model

http://www.ekrfoundation.org/

http://newlife.com/

Photo credits

Retrieved May 2011 through Creative Commons, Inc. from 

Statue:http://www.flickr.com/photos/myklroventine/3450989567/

Girl on Beach: http://www.flickr.com/photos/21727800@N06/2184786921/