My Date from...Earth

This week, I went on a date. I feel like that says a lot right there. For a chronic single girl like myself, going on dates is something that happens either very often and often unsuccessfully, or not often enough, and therefore, painfully.

Here is the story:
Somehow an out of character post that I sent to a friend in Facebook inspired a rather outgoing guy to offer a "Hey, I'd go out with you." To this highly public and very bold move, I had no choice but to accept his blind date offer graciously. Given that I dread dating because to me it just provides more venues for guys to dislike me, not find me to be acceptable for them, give me that "let's just be friends," and so forth, it was a big deal for me to accept this offer for a date. Still, I figured I must practice what I preach and be willing to get out of my comfort zone in the realm of dating.

The day came that this new, yet unknown, Facebook friend and I would go out on our date. Without giving every detail and spilling too much information about my private life, I have to say, the date was OK. By that I mean, I didn't leave crying or rejected, it wasn't a painful two-hour meal with a complete jerk, it wasn't an awkward lunch with a socially abnormal, violently unattractive character, it was simply OK. I survived. He was kind. He is normal looking. We had several things in common. I came out of the whole thing alive.

Here's the thing, I am rather sure he was completely not interested in pursuing any kind of dating relationship with me. So this is where my "Welcome to Earth" punch to the stomach comes in: How should I feel about this?

I am going to be completely honest with you all, and willing to take in your judgment and "oh you need to get over yourself thoughts" but I can't help but feel a little like I regretted the date. For me, it is so hard to come out of my comfort zone in dating, because I have NEVER had a dating experience be fruitful as far as finding a mate, even if it is just a temporary mate. I totally understand that dating is not and should not be about the ultimate quest to find a man and therefore "be happy forever" because you have a man. Still, I can't help but feel like I could do without that indirect sense that ever date equals rejection. Even if the date goes well, the idea, for me, that the guy doesn't call back or seems rather uninterested in me as a relationship partner is kind of a self-esteem slasher.

If it were up to me, I would never date. After all of these years, I still hold to the fact that dating is very unnatural. I am sort of a social butterfly so I figure, if I want to get to know guys, I will just go to social events or hang out in small social groups with friends and friends of friends of both genders. To me, I see my date as three hours where I could have been doing something else. As much as the time with this guy was positive, I don't think that it was some great opportunity to "meet people" as is the new catch phrase in the Christian dating circles. I feel like I could have gone to a church even and gotten to know this guy just as well, minus the inevitable sense of rejection.

How should I feel about this?

I like to think, where there is no one-on-one, date oriented interaction, there is no one who holds the cards. A date takes what would be just a simply friendly interaction and ups the ante a little bit. Now, I have become a little emotional vulnerable to the idea of "Will he call me back?" "Will he ask for another date when this is over?" "Will he tell our mutual friends positive or negative feedback about me?" That is a huge risk that I have never been able to feel completely comfortable about taking. Especially seeing as the world of dates has never been successful for me.

This morning, I had to take some time and pray for my slightly bruised heart and slightly damaged ego, "Please God, don't let me take this as another confirmation that I am not good enough." I had to ask my Heavenly Father to tell me what to learn from this. Was this meant to be an exercise in getting over my pride and just accepting this as another experience, neither negative or positive? Was there a reason why this morning, while feeling down about this, yet another friend posted pictures of her newborn baby and new husband on Facebook and it made my heart crush a little bit more? Am I way to self-centered, and this is a chance to learn to get over the over analysis and desire to control my life and avoid any kind of emotional discomfort? Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

Do you hear me ladies? I want you to understand what goes through my mind, and if it is the same or similar for you, I want you to know that you are not alone. For those of you, who are sensitive like myself, you can understand this struggle. For those of you of the with a more adventurous sense about going on dates, I want you to hear this too. I don't think that there is any right way to feel about a situation, but I want you to hear how dating feels from a personal perspective. I could hear 50 sermons at church about dating rules, and I don't think they ever have as much impact on me, as when I share my thoughts, feelings, and experiences with friends.

So take this as an example being shared to you from a friend. Offer me your thoughts, offer me your friendly reservations and encouragement. Or simply, listen to the perspective that I have shared here with you.

Photo art retrieved June 2011 through Creative Commons, Inc. from 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/youthwalk/4219302845/