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| Today's Meal: A bowl of conviction with a side of grace |
Let me set the scene...
Characters:
*My Friend (adventurous, fun-loving, spicy, cute accent, always out and about, not at all a home body, attractive, long, flowing hair, light eyes, curvy yet fit, etc.)
*Me (still single!!!!!)
Setting:
*Weekend afternoon at a popular quick-service restaurant
Theme:
*A new but close friend and I get together to share a lunch after a few weeks on not having seen each other.
Conflict:
*Women vs self
Plot:
*Introduction: My friend and I meet at a restaurant and begin to share the typical girl's date conversation, discussing what's new, what's old, what's happy, what's sad, and so forth.
*Rising Action: My friend begins discussing her great relationship with her boyfriend: the weeks of fun outings dates together, the great memories and happy moments, the dinners with the parents and more. I start to let the evil voices in my head tell me, "you not good enough to have this" "you'll never be like her" "no one will ever like you like her."
*Climax: Our time together comes toward an end, I get so upset that I start to talk about how much I hate men and know that I will always be alone.
*Denouement: I hug my friend goodbye but knowing that what was a nice time together is left on a negative note.
So what is there to learn from my bad behavior?
1. I have to learn that I must accept that I cannot be envious of those who have the things that I want for my life. That is covetouness and more important, it makes me a crappy friend.
2. I have to stop allowing the sting of my single status be the catalyst for whining, complaining, or unkindness.
3. I have to accept that I am human. Until I lose this flesh, I will always experience things that remind me of the fact that, whether or not my single status changes, a relationship is something I would really like in my life. It is okay to be sad about not having one, but that is not where the story should end.
That's the lesson: so many people want things that they can't have and are always around people who have those things. That's life. What is worse, to be reminded of being single or to be reminded of not being able to walk or not having any family or being homeless? Still, the person who can't walk, who has no family, or is homeless is not a bad person because they sometimes feel upset when they see people walking with ease, having a Thanksgiving family dinner, or parking their car into their two-car garage. If the many people that I know with truly difficult lives are able to be positive and supportive of their friends happiness, why then not me?
I learned a little today.
Image retrieved May 14, 2001 through Creative Commons, Inc. from
http://www.flickr.com/photos/15132846@N00/5632910972/sizes/l/in/photostream/
Dear blogger,
ReplyDeleteIt is what you are taking from the experience that makes it all so worth it. Those little punches can become seed of kindness and eventually jewels in your thoughts and emotions. Who is to say that your friend didn't feel nervous about her accent or that she admired the way you talk or dress?
The truth is, our insecurities can be detrimental to our relationships with others, and since we all have them, it is so good to face them and evaluate them like you did that day. You are so right, everyone wishes something else. I still don't understand either, why even the shyest person secretly longs to shine. But I know that when we remember how we are loved and place our confidence in that greater love, it gets easier to love better.
Keep on going! New roads; new ruts.
- Zoe the poet.
Wow, thank you. I definitely agree that "our insecurities can be detrimental to our relationships" and I think that why it was so important for me to write about this. For me, this was like giving myself some accountability about my feelings and how they impact my behaviors and interactions with friends. I am so glad that you can follow my journey!
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