A Great Resource for Advice on Life's Questions

Recently, I found a very valuable bit of advice from one of my favorite Christian support services, New Life. Check out this video and send me your thoughts.

My Date from...Earth

This week, I went on a date. I feel like that says a lot right there. For a chronic single girl like myself, going on dates is something that happens either very often and often unsuccessfully, or not often enough, and therefore, painfully.

Here is the story:
Somehow an out of character post that I sent to a friend in Facebook inspired a rather outgoing guy to offer a "Hey, I'd go out with you." To this highly public and very bold move, I had no choice but to accept his blind date offer graciously. Given that I dread dating because to me it just provides more venues for guys to dislike me, not find me to be acceptable for them, give me that "let's just be friends," and so forth, it was a big deal for me to accept this offer for a date. Still, I figured I must practice what I preach and be willing to get out of my comfort zone in the realm of dating.

The day came that this new, yet unknown, Facebook friend and I would go out on our date. Without giving every detail and spilling too much information about my private life, I have to say, the date was OK. By that I mean, I didn't leave crying or rejected, it wasn't a painful two-hour meal with a complete jerk, it wasn't an awkward lunch with a socially abnormal, violently unattractive character, it was simply OK. I survived. He was kind. He is normal looking. We had several things in common. I came out of the whole thing alive.

Here's the thing, I am rather sure he was completely not interested in pursuing any kind of dating relationship with me. So this is where my "Welcome to Earth" punch to the stomach comes in: How should I feel about this?

I am going to be completely honest with you all, and willing to take in your judgment and "oh you need to get over yourself thoughts" but I can't help but feel a little like I regretted the date. For me, it is so hard to come out of my comfort zone in dating, because I have NEVER had a dating experience be fruitful as far as finding a mate, even if it is just a temporary mate. I totally understand that dating is not and should not be about the ultimate quest to find a man and therefore "be happy forever" because you have a man. Still, I can't help but feel like I could do without that indirect sense that ever date equals rejection. Even if the date goes well, the idea, for me, that the guy doesn't call back or seems rather uninterested in me as a relationship partner is kind of a self-esteem slasher.

If it were up to me, I would never date. After all of these years, I still hold to the fact that dating is very unnatural. I am sort of a social butterfly so I figure, if I want to get to know guys, I will just go to social events or hang out in small social groups with friends and friends of friends of both genders. To me, I see my date as three hours where I could have been doing something else. As much as the time with this guy was positive, I don't think that it was some great opportunity to "meet people" as is the new catch phrase in the Christian dating circles. I feel like I could have gone to a church even and gotten to know this guy just as well, minus the inevitable sense of rejection.

How should I feel about this?

I like to think, where there is no one-on-one, date oriented interaction, there is no one who holds the cards. A date takes what would be just a simply friendly interaction and ups the ante a little bit. Now, I have become a little emotional vulnerable to the idea of "Will he call me back?" "Will he ask for another date when this is over?" "Will he tell our mutual friends positive or negative feedback about me?" That is a huge risk that I have never been able to feel completely comfortable about taking. Especially seeing as the world of dates has never been successful for me.

This morning, I had to take some time and pray for my slightly bruised heart and slightly damaged ego, "Please God, don't let me take this as another confirmation that I am not good enough." I had to ask my Heavenly Father to tell me what to learn from this. Was this meant to be an exercise in getting over my pride and just accepting this as another experience, neither negative or positive? Was there a reason why this morning, while feeling down about this, yet another friend posted pictures of her newborn baby and new husband on Facebook and it made my heart crush a little bit more? Am I way to self-centered, and this is a chance to learn to get over the over analysis and desire to control my life and avoid any kind of emotional discomfort? Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

Do you hear me ladies? I want you to understand what goes through my mind, and if it is the same or similar for you, I want you to know that you are not alone. For those of you, who are sensitive like myself, you can understand this struggle. For those of you of the with a more adventurous sense about going on dates, I want you to hear this too. I don't think that there is any right way to feel about a situation, but I want you to hear how dating feels from a personal perspective. I could hear 50 sermons at church about dating rules, and I don't think they ever have as much impact on me, as when I share my thoughts, feelings, and experiences with friends.

So take this as an example being shared to you from a friend. Offer me your thoughts, offer me your friendly reservations and encouragement. Or simply, listen to the perspective that I have shared here with you.

Photo art retrieved June 2011 through Creative Commons, Inc. from 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/youthwalk/4219302845/

The Unequally Yoked Debate Continues

A while back, I posted "Dating Christian Men" as my Welcome to Earth moment of the day. My thoughts in that post and on the topic of being equally yoked have continued to stay on my mind and in my prayers. In reading and searching the Internet, I encountered a blog post on the topic and I exchanged in some debate with the writer. Several valid points were made in both the post and in reply comments so I wanted to include a link to that blog, God and Stuff, for your viewing.

You Can Marry A Christian and Still Be Unequally Yoked

I don't regularly follow that blog so I am not aware of all of the material on it. I can't necessarily endorse or recommend it yet but it does look like several topics are discussed there that might be of interest to you.  

Oh, the Humor! (reprise)

The other day I thought of another funny guy situation.

The Suspiciously Nice Guy Friend
It is after church on a Sunday and one of the guys in your social group strikes up a conversation with you. You talk for quite a few minutes, and he seems really interested in asking about how you are doing, what's new in your life, how that latest endeavor of yours is going, and so on. It seems kind of strange that he is paying this much attention to you because he usually just offers a "hi" and "what's up" and a quick convo when you are together in the group.

Then he says sweetly, "I have been wanting to ask you something."

In an instant, you are filled with rising emotions. "This is the moment," you think. Though you are not even really interested in this guy, you are so glad to think that someone is about to ask you out! You start thinking about this guy in a new light. Could I see myself with this guy? Could he make a good boyfriend? What would we do on our first date? How will I answer when he asks me out?

Your daydreaming is interrupted when he says to you, "You know your friend (fill in name of your cute friend)?"

You think, "What?"

"Do you think she likes me?" He says, as you think "What?!?!?"

Complete embarrassment ! =)

"Yeah, could you see if you could talk to her for me or something?" He says, as you fake a smile. All the while your heart feels crushed and trampled and you think about how much you must be so undesirable in so many ways that no one likes you and that you are always the one matching up some friend with some other friend, etc.

The drive home alone from church is a tough one as you plead with God to forgive of whatever sin has caused you to be a chronic single always going through these kinds of situations. But you remain your resilient and always, supposedly, in control self: in no more than a week you are over it because you have decided to take up a new hobby - you always wanted to be a rhythmic gymnast!

Image retrieved through Creative Commons, Inc. on June 26, 2011 from http://www.flickr.com/photos/briovonsarah/5372890384/sizes/l/in/photostream/

Four Weddings are Like a Funeral?

Preface: It has been a long time since my last post and, I'll be quite honest, that is due to a desire for some time off to reevaluate myself a little. Not that I haven't had years and years to contemplate singleness! Nonetheless, I keep learning more about living as a single woman each day after day that I continue to be one and I have needed some time to process that. I want to stay encouraged that my own learning process can be beneficial to others who can identify with it. Please keep in touch and forward these posts to anyone who may be in need. 


Is it possible that being a chronic single woman can cause one to see themselves as the victim, rendering all of life's supposedly joyous events completely painful? Have a look at this photo:

What does it bring to mind? That may be a controversial question so let me ask the question this way: what typical events occur here? Well, Mass, Sunday service, Sunday school, bible study, for example, but also two major passages of life: weddings and funerals. Most traditionalist in the Western world will conduct these two ceremonies in a church rather similar to this. For those of us in attendance, these ceremonies can have striking similarities...depending on our perspective.

Take this personal example: 
Like all people, I have two biological grandmothers. In my case, I happened to be somewhat close to both of them, and both of them have passed away. The first of my grandmothers passed away several years ago. For whatever combination of reasons, her funeral was marked with crying, weeping, sadness, silence, and was followed by several weeks of unsettled grief on the part of my family.  It was a painful time that, even now, causes me disappointment and regret that she was gone so soon.

Then there was my second grandmother's funeral. While there were a great deal of tears, there was also a strange sense of joy. There was singing, clapping, praising and recounting her greatness, and peace that she was now Home. To this day, any sadness about her passing is countered with the understanding of how grace and blessing abounded in her life and death.

What's the point? That while some situations are just plain difficult to experience, those same situations are hinged upon our perspective and attitude.

So let's look at the wedding side of this comparison:
As a chronic single woman, I have had my share of going to weddings alone. Even for weddings that were of family members, no matter how much I was surrounded by siblings, cousins, family friends of my age, I have always been dateless. Two, three, four weddings are year, and I am always flying solo. How could this not start to have an impact on my attitude?

Last year, I went to a friend's wedding and had such a negative, defeatist, woe-is-me, attitude that I could barely appreciate the day. Here it was, another friend who had known the pains of being a long-term single woman, who had found a good man to share her life with, and I was focused on me. I got to the ceremony late because I was distracted by feeling ticked-off to be driving for an hour alone to get there. I sulked alone during the cocktail hour. I focused on my empty hungry stomach while waiting for the meal, which made me bitter throughout the photo slide show. When the food arrived, I complained that it was bland. When the meal was over, I never danced because there was no one to dance so I left rather early into the evening.

How sad. Not the fact that I was there alone, but the idea that I was so self-focused that I didn't allow myself to be grateful that God had blessed my friend or that she had worked so hard to put all of that together to share with her friends and family, including me. No matter how much the embarrassment of always being alone may feel, I still feel worse that I behaved like that. When did the difficulty of being a chronic single give me a free pass not to be happy for others?

You'll see from other posts that I struggle with this a lot. But I am starting to realize that I am not a complete failure in this area.

Here's another story:
I recently went to another wedding of a friend who is just two years shy of my all time record as chronic single. I love this friend dearly to the point where no possibility of feeling sorry for myself could cloud my joy to see her get married. Still, the day of her wedding, I started to head down my normal path of self-centerdness. I tried to fill the day with as many social outings as possible to make me feel like I wasn't a loser. By the time I got home I was exhausted and would have been glad to pass on attending this event.

Once I dragged myself up, got dressed, and went to the ceremony/reception hall, I was standing there alone, embarrassed, and annoyed as gnats surround me during the ceremony and I stood by myself during the cocktail hour. I must have looked really depressed because a couple approached me. As I was about to give the "yes, I came by myself" speech, the couple diverted me with a few other questions, which turned into a conversation, which turned into a introduction to other couples, and eventually meeting the fun group of girls and guys that I ended up sitting with at the reception. I ate, I danced, I smiled and clapped for my friend, I hugged, I praised, I went through the receiving line with a smile on my face, I congratulated, and I took the focus off of me to where it should be.

Near the end of the night, I saw a girl my age sitting at a table alone while everyone else was dancing. Because I was so touched that that first couple had approached me while I was alone, I thought I would pay it forward. I approached the girl, who happened to be a mutual friend of my friend who I had actually met before.

We chatted a bit and then I ventured to ask, "did you come here by yourself?" She confirmed and then I said, "well as a chronic single girl, I now how that goes." Her eyes lit up as though I had reached into her heart a pressed the "I can completely relate to you" button. We chatted a bit more about the troubles of being single when a great group dance song started to play. I started heading to the floor thinking she would join but she refused, "I'll just sit here by myself."

That's when I realized, that is just what I am like when I harp on my singleness. Who sticks out like a sore thumb, the girl having fun and joining the crowd or the girl sitting alone sulking?

What a lesson for my everyday life. No matter how inconceivably painful our circumstances may be, when in life are negative behavior and thoughts constructive? Though there is pain in life, weeping, sulking, harping on the past or present are not constructive and just make the situation worse.

So yes, for the chronic single woman, a wedding is just like a funeral, the opportunity to be aware of loss or disappointment and grieve occordingly but, more importantly, to focus on grace and blessing. It's not about me its about HIM.

Image retrieved through Creative Commons, Inc. on June 26, 2011 from http://www.flickr.com/photos/dasqfamily/239701845/sizes/o/in/photostream/

Moments of Grief

Several years ago, I heard a great sermon on the subject of grief. At the time, I had thought that I had never really experienced grief because, praise God, I had never lost anyone really close to me. Yet, for some reason, I keep feeling like I could relate so deeply to the stages and feelings that come along with grief. It was that day that I learned that I actually had experienced grief, and I am still dealing with it today.

You see, grief, as my pastor explained, is not just about the deep pain that comes after the passing of a loved one, grief can also be experienced when we lose other things as well. The loss of a job, a home, a prized possession, or even the loss of hope can cause us grief. In this way, I have realized how much being a chronic single woman has caused me to experience the process of grief.

Although there seem to be varied views on the emotions associated with grief, many sources present grief as a process that contains, in some way or another, the following emotional states: anger, shock, denial, numbness, bargaining, shock, fear, panic, guilt, depression, and eventually acceptance, hope, and affirmation.

For me, my grief started when I finally had to come to terms with the reality that it is highly likely that a romantic relationship is not part of my future. Some would wonder how I could come to that conclusion so suddenly, but I truly believe that this is what God has wanted me to confront and accept. My life, my past, my circumstances, my age, my cultural background, my social environment, and the state of the Church, Christians, and today's society as a whole are all aspects of my life that are detrimental to the possibility of any long term romantic relationship.

So how do you live when you realize that all of the things that seem to be part of the life of every young woman are no longer are part of your life?

Here are some of the thoughts and emotions I have experienced in my grief
Sadness: "I am so sad that my parents will never get to experience seeing me marry and will not get to have the experience of being grandparents."

Shock: "How could it be that God has chosen this for my life?"

Embarrassment: "How will it be to go through life being known as the woman who never experienced being in a long-term relationship?"

Anger: "How could God let me go through such painful dating experiences?"

Unfair comparisons: "Why is it that I have experienced so much disappointment and this other person had it so easy finding someone?"

Hopelessness: "What is the purpose of my life? What am I called to do now?"

Fear: "How will I be able to take care of myself when I get older or if I get sick?" "What will happen to me when my parents die?"

Bargaining: "I am sure that if I change churches, move to another country, join a dating service, or have my friends set me up with someone that I can surely find someone to marry so I won't be alone."

Panic: "I have to get a better paying job or I will never be able to save enough money to support myself in the future."

Affirmation: "If God has chosen me to be single, then that is exactly where He wants me to be. He
will give me the strength to make it through."

Hope: "I have no idea the amazing things God has prepared for me future, even if they are not part of this life, but the next."

For this one, I have no advice. Instead, I wanted to give you a glimpse into my thought life maybe to support you in whatever emotions you face when you confront your singleness. That is not to say that every single woman is going to be alone or that you should be grieving the chance to be in a relationship. Maybe you just broke up with someone or maybe you have been alone for a while and therefore, I hope that my story can help you understand you are not alone in your emotions. Please know that at the end of all of this is the hope and promise of God's endless and matchless love.

"I've read the last page of the Bible.
It's all going to turn out all right." - Billy Graham

Sources on grief retrieved May 28, 2011 from:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kübler-Ross_model

http://www.ekrfoundation.org/

http://newlife.com/

Photo credits

Retrieved May 2011 through Creative Commons, Inc. from 

Statue:http://www.flickr.com/photos/myklroventine/3450989567/

Girl on Beach: http://www.flickr.com/photos/21727800@N06/2184786921/  

Huge Welcome to Earth Moment - Cut Him Some Slack

A few days ago I contacted a good friend that I hadn't heard from in a while. Within the first couple of days I didn't hear back from her, so I tried to contact her again. All the while I did not take it personally, and just moved on with my daily routine. A couple of days later, she contacted via text to say hi and filled me in with a couple of big things that she has been up to lately. Since then we have still not gotten together but I am sure that she is hanging out and doing things with other friends.

My reaction to this...rather neutral. She is my friend and I accept that, even though we enjoy our time together and she is a great sister in Christ, she and I do not stay in touch everyday. This has no impact on my self esteem, nor do I sit up and wait to hear from her or stop my life because I have not heard from her in a while. Even more, I completely accept that she has other friends that they may fulfill her social needs or other needs in ways that I cannot.

Isn't it that way for you? You have go to the movies friends, go out to dinner friends, talk on the phone friends, come over to your house friends, pray together friends, and then what you would consider to be best friends. These are the people that you may not see all the time or they may not even live in the same place as you, but you count them as more precious than other friends. These are the people you would have in your wedding or invite if you won tickets for two to a concert, for example.

Now let's change the situation a little bit, what if I had contacted a guy and didn't hear back and then a few days later he contacted me to say that he was hanging out with other girls. Or let's up the game, I have been going on dates for months with this guy and I feel a real connection with him and we have been talking for a while. He doesn't always invite me to go out with him and doesn't contact me everyday but I still feel like we get along really well. How would I feel if he told me he was seeing other girls?

This thought process became a huge "welcome to earth" reality check for me: I can guarantee that I would not be able to let that slide off my back as easily as if it were a friend who did that to me. Somehow when it's "dating" and "a guy" it takes on a whole new meaning to me. Self-esteem and dreams of weddings and children, and the portending doom of a life alone goes flashing past my eyes and I am so hurt. The bottom line, if you permit me to quote one of my favorite philosophies "he's just not that into me."

Whether or not a guy has what we would consider to be valid reasons for not liking us as much as other girls, maybe he just has other girls in his life that fulfill needs that we do not. How many times have you or a friend said "he is a jerk" or "he is such a player" just because a guy does not make us his one and only?

Guys are physiologically and fundamentally different than women and their hierarchy of women is different than what we might expect or want to except. The go to the movies friend for us may be the really flirtatious girl for him. The go out to dinner friend for us might be the "I'll call her every once in a while" girl for him. The come over to your house friend for us might be the "I would make her my girlfriend" for him. Finally, the best friend for us might be the "I would marry her" for him.

It would not be fair for us to compare our friends to other friends at a superficial level, yet that is what we do so often. Some of my friends are funnier than others, some dress more similarly to me than others, some have similar backgrounds, some are more outgoing, some are on my same social level, and some laugh at my jokes. Sometimes my best or really close friends are not even people that I have known for a really long time.

Again, let's flip to the other side, a guy dates another girl because she dresses sexier, has a certain color hair, has a flirtatious personality, has a certain background, or laughs at his jokes, and we call him superficial. You are a good Christian, you are practical, you are fun, you are a conservative dresser, you are pure, that is what he should like, right? How completely unkind it would be for him to call the other girl and not you? Why would he want to date/marry a girl like that and not you?

These are questions that are not easily answered. Still, I have a bunch of friends who are probably better for me than others in certain ways and I wouldn't even think twice about not contacting them or not inviting them to my social outings. Then why wouldn't that happen with a guy? Just like us, they are only human and living at a time when being a man is very confusing. Whether or not they have chosen someone over you for the right reason, it happens all the time. Let's cut guys some slack and also free ourselves from unnecessary pain. Let's let go of trying to make sense of his actions and not allow those actions impact how we view ourselves.

You may also want to read to the "Temptation to Text" post that I had written a while back for more perspective on this.

Images retrieved May 18, 2011 through Creative Commons, Inc. from

Friends http://www.flickr.com/photos/passion_in_action/2399599781/in/photostream/

Couple http://www.flickr.com/photos/masochismtango/529444461/sizes/o/in/photostream/

Travel Girls

A couple of months ago, as I would reflect on my life and talk to my single friends about their lives, I started noticing a pattern. In general, my friends who had traveled overseas several times or had lived overseas for some prolonged amount of time were mostly chronic singles. These girls, like myself have collectively visited or lived in every continent of the world but had never had a long-term relationship.

This made me wonder if there was a connection between traveling and finding a mate. Although there is no way to prove the connection, I have a couple of theories about the relationship between traveling and its impact on a young women's dating life.

First, I think that some travel experiences have such a profound impact on a young women that it causes her to become dissatisfied with the status quo. For me, it was entering the National War room in London, climbing to the top of the Eiffel Tower, and seeing the milky way from the beaches of Bora Bora that made me see my normal life as kind of boring. I wanted more, and it was like I had become addicted to traveling. Where could I go next? What other amazing things could I experience? My everyday life, not matter how great, was barely enough to match that feeling of seeing places that few people in the history of the world before our times have ever seen.

Second, the young women who loves to travel enjoys the idea that singleness provides freedom for travel plans. As as single girl, I can commit much of my life to planning, saving money, and preparing myself for the next great travel excursion. I perceive that it is only my single status that also allows me the freedom to travel as I please because I don't have to consult with anyone or combine my savings in order to go. If I have the time and the money, I can go wherever for as long as desired.

Third, the more a girl loves to travel and has the freedom to do it, the longer she spends traveling. Usually travel girls will start, for example, with few days in Mexico with friends, then a longer study-abroad trip or missions trip to Asia, then a few months of work-study in Australia, and finally, her bags are packed to move into her apartment in Germany for the next two years. As you become comfortable with the idea of being in another country, it becomes less scary to go live there so you want to stay longer and longer.

Fourth, the time that a young women spends traveling, leaves little time for matters of the heart. That time away is, particularly for Christian girls, marked with few dating experiences in that overseas country and, certainly, a complete lack of opportunities to date guys from back home.

Fifth, it may be the lack of men back home that makes going somewhere else and not having a man a lot less tragic. It is really not that big of a deal to me if I spend a summer in London and leave without a boyfriend because I wouldn't have had one if I was back home anyway. This becomes more true the older you get, I think. My 35, 40, 45+ year old single friends think less and less of picking up and going away because they all say "It's not like I have anything or anyone here holding me back!"

Sixth, being a chronic single causes women to have a certain strength and independence that makes them capable of handling the cultural shock of traveling and living overseas. At this point in my life, I have had to do a lot without the physical presence of others. Driving the other side of the road, dealing with haters of American tourists, eating new delicacies, using a uni-sex bathroom is no tougher overseas than waiting in lines or at doctor's office alone, going to a party alone, going to church alone, spending a Friday night alone, cooking for one or any of the other things that I do as a single woman.

Seventh, the excitement, unexpectedness, adventure, and learning experiences of traveling feel much like a romance. In a relationship, there is always some compromise but at the end you want to spend time together. I can feel the same way about my travels. I may not love everything about Paris, but I love to spend time there. I love the sounds, the sights, the tastes; it is a sensory experience that tugs at my heart strings just like having a crush on a guy. If I have not been given the opportunity to experience a romance, than this is a safe healthy alternative.

Finally, I think that traveling might actually be God's gift to single women. He blesses us with great experiences and we can even use our travels to serve Him. Although I am not a believer in forcing single people to do missions just because of our status, I think that missions trips that suit you gifts, volunteering in churches, or even just living as a Christian in another country can all be part of God's plans for this world.

Images retrieved May 15, 2011 through Creative Commons from:

Pyramids http://www.flickr.com/photos/89649959@N00/5275093636/

Eiffel Tower http://www.flickr.com/photos/terrazzo/3958413757/

Sydney Opera House http://www.flickr.com/photos/bdearth/4028846906/

Asian Temple http://www.flickr.com/photos/sarahbaker/55448647/

Fjords http://www.flickr.com/photos/adactio/13149177/

Oh, the Humor!

The strangest thing about being a chronic single woman is that, as the years go by, despite some painful seasons, I tend to find more and more humor in the whole situation. There is something strangely comforting and even slightly hilarious about the amount of annoying experiences that I have with guys. I can almost rely on the fact that some crazy situation is awaiting me in the dating realm. If nothing else, this gives me a chuckle multiple times a day.

Accepting your dating reality can be the funniest thing you'll ever do,
 and it makes the single life a lot more palatable.

Here's a few of my typical funny moments. How many can you identify with?
The "Excuse Me"
You're at a some kind of co-ed Christian social gathering. A nice-looking, well-dressed guy starts walking toward you. You notice he is getting closer and closer, and then he is right in front of you. As your heart skips a beat he says "excuse me." You are speechless. "Excuse me," he repeats as he gestures over your shoulder. You realize, he wants you to step aside so that he can get to his girlfriend who is standing behind you.

The "Yeah, Hi, Anyway"
You are in a conversation with your girlfriends. Included in the group is your "she always gets attention from guys" friend. As you talk, a guy walks up. He knows your friend. As they talk you can clearly tell that he is very interested in your friend. She pauses the conversation and says, this is my friend _____" as she gestures for you to approach. Regardless of how enthusiastic she is for you to meet him, he is a lot less impressed. "Yeah, hi" he says as he barely makes eye contact with you, turns his body back toward your friend and says "yeah, so anyway.." and continues his conversation without you.

The "Why Even Bother Asking Me Out"
It's just what you have been waiting for: a guy asking you out on a date. This same guy, though, has been known for asking out many of the girls in you Christian social circle. Your friends have gone to fancy restaurants, taken excursions to the beach, shared dancing lessons and a night of salsa but, when it comes to you, he says "You wanna go to the 75 cent movie?" Yikes, are you that unimportant compared to the other girls that he will ask you to the 75 cent movie? Why does he have to save money when it's you? Why even bother asking you out?

The Bait and Switch (Online Dating Style)
You have been communicating with a guy on a Christian Internet dating site. Bait: He seems appealing and you have shared a few good messages back and forth. You decide to meet and, based on what he has shared with you, you will meet a funny, average looking, average height, fun-loving, good conversationalist. You arrive at your planned meeting spot and you can't wait to meet this guy. Switch: After about ten different guys that you hope is the one you are going to meet pass you by, here comes the one: outrageously short, balding, Hawaiian shirt, pants up to his nipples, with a weird hat. You tell yourself it can't be that bad and that maybe you should not judge him by his physical appearance. You sit together and begin to talk, you realize he only says "yes,""no," or laughs awkwardly unless his is talking about Fox News, The Green Lantern or how the super moon is causing a pull on the tides.

Do you have any funny instances you would like to share? Let me know with your comments below, and let's help each other enjoy the humor of it all!

Image retrieved May 14, 2001 through Creative Commons, Inc. from http://www.flickr.com/photos/sidewalk_flying/4813749113/

Welcome to Earth Moment - Lunch with a Friend

Today's Meal: A bowl of conviction with a side of grace

No matter how many times I think I have gotten content with my singleness there is always that "welcome to earth" moment that socks me in the stomach and pulls me back into the realm of discontent. Recently, it was an a lunch and conversation date with a close girlfriend of mine that made all kinds of thoughts and feelings resurface.

Let me set the scene...
Characters:
*My Friend (adventurous, fun-loving, spicy, cute accent, always out and about, not at all a home body, attractive, long, flowing hair, light eyes, curvy yet fit,  etc.)
*Me (still single!!!!!)
Setting:
*Weekend afternoon at a popular quick-service restaurant
Theme:
*A new but close friend and I get together to share a lunch after a few weeks on not having seen each other.
Conflict:
*Women vs self
Plot:
*Introduction: My friend and I meet at a restaurant and begin to share the typical girl's date conversation, discussing what's new, what's old, what's happy, what's sad, and so forth.
*Rising Action: My friend begins discussing her great relationship with her boyfriend: the weeks of fun outings dates together, the great memories and happy moments, the dinners with the parents and more. I start to let the evil voices in my head tell me, "you not good enough to have this" "you'll never be like her" "no one will ever like you like her."
*Climax: Our time together comes toward an end, I get so upset that I start to talk about how much I hate men and know that I will always be alone.
*Denouement: I hug my friend goodbye but knowing that what was a nice time together is left on a negative note.

So what is there to learn from my bad behavior?
1. I have to learn that I must accept that I cannot be envious of those who have the things that I want for my life. That is covetouness and more important, it makes me a crappy friend.
2. I have to stop allowing the sting of my single status be the catalyst for whining, complaining, or unkindness.
3. I have to accept that I am human. Until I lose this flesh, I will always experience things that remind me of the fact that, whether or not my single status changes, a relationship is something I would really like in my life. It is okay to be sad about not having one, but that is not where the story should end.

That's the lesson: so many people want things that they can't have and are always around people who have those things. That's life. What is worse, to be reminded of being single or to be reminded of not being able to walk or not having any family or being homeless? Still, the person who can't walk, who has no family, or is homeless is not a bad person because they sometimes feel upset when they see people walking with ease, having a Thanksgiving family dinner, or parking their car into their two-car garage. If the many people that I know with truly difficult lives are able to be positive and supportive of their friends happiness, why then not me?

I learned a little today.

Image retrieved May 14, 2001 through Creative Commons, Inc. from 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/15132846@N00/5632910972/sizes/l/in/photostream/